Latest Musings

Art Lift 3  email sent November 21, 2024

The Caretaker of the Precious

 She says it is the small things that matter.

She says it is the life force of the unseen and the vulnerable

that hold our world together by their fragile threads.

She says these things are precious to me.

I will care for them.

After this past election, I was beside myself with grief and at a loss for “what now”. Feeling bareft and hopeless bordering on despair, you get the picture, perhaps you can relate? I happened to be at a cabin at the Metolius River in central Oregon. I took myself outside and stood holding onto a giant Cedar tree, by the flowing water. I asked what can I do? How can we survive this? I am one small person and what I have contributed is so small and the challenge is overwhelming. I feel so tired and done, how can I go forward?   Cedar told me that I am not done, and that there is still work for me to do. We (the trees and nature) will hold you. Cedar said that it is the small things that matter. It is the small things that we do that make a difference. Keep doing the heart work. When you touch the heart of humans this touches the hearts of the natural world, the animals, the birds, the trees, the life here on earth. We are all connected. Small effort matters. Kindness matters.   So this is why I picked myself up and with very little internet and an inadequate device, I was determined to reach out with Art Lifts from Me to You. I sent “WellBeing Holding the world together” and then a few days later while still traveling sent out “The Hug”. I believe what we do in community with kindness and staying connected and watching out for eachother is one of the best things we can do. It has taken me over two weeks of self care and now I am ready to get back to work.

My Book has arrived and is available in my shop Here

My book, Drawing on the Dream, finding my way by art, expanded, 2nd edition, is now on a “slow boat from china”, (literally). It was printed in China. My guess is that it will be here by the 3rd week in October. I was hoping for September but we have had a couple of glitches along the way. What a journey for me and my book. Thanks again to all of you who have prepaid and are patiently waiting for my book to arrive. I promise to get the book to you as soon as I have it in my hands.

My new book is at the printer. It is being printed in China. Though I have been working through my book designer and coach, this has been a painful process and learning for me. There have been quite a few glitches for me to navigate. I admit I have been close to tears most of July and into August. As far as I know everything is good now and in production. I can only hope that all will be well when the book arrives, as I am unable to see a physical proof of the book. Everything looks great on the computer but I am old school and want it in my hands so that I know for sure. We all know what it is like to order something online that doesn’t look anything like what we thought we were ordering. Anyway this is where I am at. It is out of my control. I don’t know when the book will arrive. I have about 100 investors from Kickstarter plus about 100 prepaid supporters who are expecting the book at the end of September. I hope I will be able to fulfill the orders at that time. Sometimes the birthing process is intense. I just hope there is a beautiful baby (my book) at the end of this huge effort.

Reflections on the New Year 2024  A Work in Progress

Day after day my heart implores me to get in the studio and create a monotype or monoprint. My dreams show me pulling prints. My gut reminds me that I would feel better if I would get to my real work. I am not saying that I need to be more creative. I create all the time. Getting to my deep work is the challenge.

Used to be, before life got complicated and full of demands and obligations, it was easy and doable to show up and create my monotypes and monoprints. Now I have many things that keep me from this work, which I know in my bones is my soul work. This work is smearing ink on the plate and seeing what wants to appear.  Really, how hard can that be? Pretty hard, apparently, since I haven’t printed something new for six months.

The “to do” list and obligations are endless. Imagine me as a juggler keeping track of all the things that a woman must do to keep it all balanced and spinning. I call myself an artist, a writer, a dreamer, a wife, a gardener, a mom, a grandmother, a friend, a dog walker, a business woman, a cook, and a Creative Imagineer. I also just want to rest and sit and stare and do nothing. You get the picture.

December 30th I take the time to reflect and do a little writing about the past year and what the new year has in store for me. The oracle cards that I pull to help me with this process are pointing me to my work with the monotypes and monoprints. Here is what comes up:

The path of the sage meanders out of sight and measurement of the ego….      Trust the hidden process. Cling to it. For it is the inner truth which carries on when everything seems impossible. Take a deep dive. There is little risk in the safety of the shallows. In the shallows there are no secrets, nothing to discover. It is easy and safe with nothing new. It is comfortable here with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

It is time to dive in for the answers. Do not fear the challenge. Be curious. Your curiosity is your guide. See it through. Find your balance. Be ready to say yes to creating, to being uncomfortable while your heart and hands find the way to the story that is trying to be acknowledged and birthed. Reach for it. What you are reaching for is also reaching for you, waiting for you to make a move and make the effort that it takes. You are not alone. Learn to love being uncomfortable. This is where the life force is. This is where all the possibilities live.

See the blocks that show up in front of you as opportunities rather than obstacles. It’s all in your perspective and how you look at it. It will take your whole hearted nonjudgmental person self to stay curious and not fall into fear and worry.

In order to be offered the magic, you have to give up your safe certainty. Let go of your comfort and step sideways into the unknown, which by its nature is uncomfortable. Stay with the trust of your heart. Let go of trying to control. Be surprised by what is revealed. See what happens. See what comes. Trust your hands and your connection to the heart of the matter that is connected to the source heart of the universe. It is connected to the still point, where magic materializes in your soul connection with life.

Let your creativity flow from the center of your being, through your heart and gut mind, through your brain, through your blood, through your hands and onto the paper or plate. Trust what your heart and body knows. Don’t let your ego keep you ignorant, content and safe. (okay) Dream the world into being. (okay) Stop avoiding. (okay) Have compassion for yourself. (okay)!

Okay okay, Fine, no time like the present. I just happen to be in the studio. I go over to my inking area and grab the black litho ink and scrape it across the plate, even though it is 2:00 in the afternoon, which is something I would never do. I am a morning printmaker. It is already time for me to be thinking about what I am going to make us for dinner. And I haven’t walked the dog yet.

Monoprinting is a deep dive into the unknown, into the void. The void is the still point of nothingness before it becomes something. What I do is Shamanic in nature. Direct revelation. A journey into the depths of my soul to find a story, an image that has something to tell me. Like a dream, it is illusive and multi layered. It takes deep concentration with no interruptions and a lot of time to figure out what the piece wants to say. It is a lot of work. Life gets in the way. Everything gets in the way. And the fact is, it is damned uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable, wrenching in fact. That is, until something catches my eye or my imagination, or my curiosity.

I work for two hours with the plate on my large light table. Even though it is unfinished and unresolved, I place the inked plate in an air tight drawer. It will be okay overnight because I am using oil-based ink on a plastic plate. It will not dry. This is where I left it on the 30th to come back to it on the 31st. I still don’t know what it is about. But I am curious about it and I am looking forward to working on it on New Year’s Eve. I am feeling good about this beginning. And I feel good about pulling it off and finally printing while still in 2023.

As life happens, I spend most of the day New Year’s Eve sad and crying. It was an emotional day of letting go of something I had hopes for. What seemed so promising the day before is today crumbled and broken in my heart. I am human. Shit happens. I just can’t work on the art today.

I wake up January 1^st, 2024 and the first thing I think and say out loud is “Happy Birthday Randy”. It is my best friend’s birthday. He died almost forty years ago. He is responsible for me becoming an artist. Through my broken heart, I worked through the pain of losing him with my art work and dream work. Doing this direct revelatory art has been my way of working for a long time. It is my life line to connecting to the mystery of this life. It has always revealed the truth to me. It is always worth it. When I am engaged in finding the story in the ink I feel like I am in the center of my being, I am in my zone, in my strength. Here, I am connected to the universal mixed bag of what’s possible. Here, anything is possible. I can create balance out of chaos.

The second thing I think about is that I want to let go of how I think things should be and be present to, and not fight what is. It is a new day, a new beginning, and a new year. Today I have compassion for myself. I want to work on my new piece (and my peace). Life is beautiful and hard. I am still standing my ground and will not give away my energy for things I can do nothing about.

I get into the studio early. I am determined to work on the print all day. I will let go of yesterday and let my art take me where it will. I will immerse myself in my process. I will trust my heart to stay with it and see where it takes me, no matter what. I still don’t know what this piece is about or what it wants to be or say. The squirrel mermaid thing goes away and is replaced with a heart tree thing. The coyote/wolf/dog/bear person evolves still with the little owl. I am tempted to let it stay messy, because I am messy, Life is messy.

The tail was beginning to look like a heart to me, so I created a heart with valves. Having spent some time in Mexico recently, I saw lots of art and sculptures of hearts. I considered drawing it broken or cracked, which is what I am feeling. But I can’t do it.  There is a Spanish proverb that says “The only heart worth having is a broken heart.” I like to think what the proverb is referring to is a broken “open” heart. A lot of healing can happen with a heart that is broken open. It is a little harder when the heart is just broken. I choose to have the heart whole and open and spilling on to the ground creating something new. This feels right,

The wolf is holding herself. Protection? Holding on? The wolf is singing but this doesn’t feel right. So, I draw her solemn and thoughtful. This feels right.

The heart has flown from her body. She is looking at it in awe and surprise. The heart is bleeding or dripping, creating new life, growing outside of herself. Her owl companion is sitting on her shoulder bearing witness, and I believe is keeping her grounded with her wise and playful council. The owl is also looking toward the viewer and me. Here is the first print:

She is able to see her heart outside of herself. She sees it for what it is. She sees that it is okay. She sees that it is creating something new from its wounds. It comes from her but it is not hers. Like the people in our lives, or our children. They come from us but are not ours. This is what I know about this piece so far.

On January 11th  I am calling this black and white first print “A Changed Heart”

A Changed Heart

She can see for herself

that it was a change of heart.

The constant ache

was the growing pains of a heart

expanding.

Through loss and hurt the heart

creates something beautiful that

it could not create before opening

to the possibility of change.

There is still enough ink on the plate after pulling the black and white print. I could pull another print which would be a ghost print or I can add color to the plate, which will deepen the ink left on the plate and allow me to take this image further. I am committed to take this work further.

Now I add color because this is my process. I add oily reds and yellow then I roll blue ink across the plate. The oily ink lays on top of the leftover black ink. I usually roll the ink across using small rollers. Then I pull off or lift the color with a dry roller. This is a lot of guess work. Let me just say I’ve done this before. You gotta take risks and dive in. I am trusting that I can handle whatever happens, even if I screw it up. Some of my best work comes from my screw ups.

Here is the second print:

I admit, its going to need a little work with Prismacolor pencils or gouache to give it the contrast that it needs to tell its own story. Some of the detail is lost behind the ink layers. I do this all the time. Some of my monoprints and monotypes become mixed media pieces. My job is to take my time and listen to the piece to be able to take it where it wants to go. Here’s the thing, this art has a life of its own. It has its own destiny. The black and white print has its own story. This one will be different depending on what direction it wants to go and what it wants to say. The completion of this piece will come later. As it happens it is 3 weeks later when I get back to this print (see below).

I do pull a print form this print while it is still wet. The print of the print is very light and ghost like, but still, it has removed a little of the intense ink color and has provided me with another print to experiment and play with or perhaps I will use it as a cover for one of my handmade journals. Here is the print of the print:

On January 27th I begin work on this print using gouache and pencils.

Here is the finished art. It is a mixed media monotype that I am calling “Rogue Heart”.

Rogue Heart

My rogue heart has a mind of its own,

that sometimes has nothing to do with me.

Only later, after some reflection,

I see it has everything to do with me.

Now believe it or not, there is enough ink on the plate to work out another print. It is late in the day.  I am feeling tired but I want to keep going because, you know what?, I am curious. I wish I had a photo of what it looked like before I began adding a little ink here and there, but, I don’t because I am working and I am in the thick of it and I am not thinking about photos or detailing my process.

New Post

The heart on the plate is looking like a creature to me. I begin wiping away the ink because the plate is fairly monotoned from going through the press. It’s just the way it is. The heart is becoming a magical creature like the painted wooden Alebrijes of Oaxaca Mexico,that I saw when I was there last October. I was definitely inspired by the magical realism of the printmakers and Alebrijes artists of Mexico. All I can say is that when the creature appears on the plate, it is a big YES in my body. Now here is an image that describes what I am feeling. Here is the image from the light table before printing.

She is calm and sure of herself  with the power and wisdom of owl on her shoulder and this wild emotional creature that has just flown out of her heart and has a life of its own that is from her but not hers, has nothing to do with her and it has healing qualities of its own and can create new life from its wounds and its own wild self, thank you very much. This is me but it is also not me. These are the emotions. The heart is full of emotions and these emotions have wings to fly off, grabbing my attention with the utter frustration of being held back.  Or, yes I am grounded and calm, I am keeping it together but my wild heart screams to be heard and seen. My wild and creative heart is trying to get my attention and wake me up before I die. Or, yes I can be wild and emotional and still be grounded and though I feel so much, I can hold on to the wisdom of little owl. Little owl holds the power of my spirit helpers and the wisdom of my heart.

Here is the third print, called Her Wild Heart:

Her Wild Heart

She was the quiet sort,

careful, and mostly kind.

Sometimes her heart would break free,

scream back at her in utter frustration,

trying to keep her aware of

what matters most.

Owl is holding on,

trying to stay out of the way,

while cheering on her wild heart.

This piece speaks volumes to me. If this is a self portrait it describes me pretty well, at least, what I have been feeling lately and certainly since this piece began two days ago.

My heart hurts and wants to emote over injustice and wrong doing. I protect myself so that I can do my work.  I am quiet. I have been wounded. I see how my wounds and pain can transform and initiate into something new. I am able to stand my ground because I know who I am.  I am dreaming a future through my art and actions that honor all life. I am kind and respectful. I hold to the vision of a future that is inclusive of all life including the seen and unseen spirit realms. I can let go of how I think things should or could be and be present to what is, but I will still hold to hope and what is possible.

This magical heart creature is doing everything in its power to wake me up to action and remind me of what matters most. Not letting me fall asleep and miss my life because it hurts too much, or its too overwhelming, or there isn’t enough time, or I am getting to old, or I have obligations, or I am too tired, or I have to do this or that first. While I am still breathing and able to do my art, there is time enough to take action that is life affirming and joyous. Time enough to smear ink on the plate and trust what is revealed.

Really, not that hard.

A Sign

Here is the sign. Right next to my driveway. I couldn’t help but notice it. It made me ponder all the ways I should be prepared to stop. Be Prepared To Stop working so hard. Be Prepared To Stop driving myself constantly to produce and accomplish. Be Prepared To Stop being critical of what I don’t get done. Be Prepared To Stop being negative about what is wrong in the world. Be Prepared To Stop worrying about …you name it. Be Prepared To Stop wondering if I have done enough. Be Prepared To Stop telling myself I feel old. Be Prepared To Stop something that is no longer working.

Now, I Re-Imagine

Here is the sign.

Right next to my driveway. I couldn’t help but notice it. It made me ponder all the ways I should be prepared to start. Be Prepared To Start giving myself time. Be Prepared To Start allowing myself to see what I have accomplished. Be Prepared To Start acknowledging what I get done. Be Prepared To Start seeing what is right in the world. Be Prepared To Start trusting. Be Prepared To Start knowing that I am enough. Be Prepared To Start saying that I am just the right age for now. Be Prepared To Start something new and in a different way.

Video

Wild World  A Monoprint Process  Click Here

Musings

Here is a little story of a day in my life.

I awaken with just a feeling, a pull of sorts toward creating. A whisper in my ear.

I have a sense of something ephemeral lingering just beyond my sight. Rumblings on the edge of my awareness. Like a remembrance or a poem coming on. I am turning to face the feeling. How do you catch a feeling?, or a dream that is slipping away? This feeling is trying to break through the distractions of my life. It is leaning toward the studio and wants me to follow. Making time for my art is a challenge. I wonder what I should make for dinner. My husband asks me a question. My dog wants to go for a walk, maybe I need one more cup of coffee. Drinking another cup of coffee is just one of the ways I put off the shoulds that start piling up in my mind. My three year old granddaughter, who lives next door, unexpectedly visits with her ten stuffies and wants to line them up and tell me their names. (Pinky, Peter Rabbit, Bunny Bun, Baby, Fox, Bear with fish, Pink Bunny)… Then we have a dance party. So much to do. I ask you, “What is more important than spending this time with my Granddaughter”?    Nothing.   Not work,     Not writing.      Not even art making.

When she heads home, my dog is still wanting a walk and I know if I go on a walk now, which I need to do to stay in shape, I will lose that feeling and my momentum for the studio which has already been waylaid by the dance party and coffee and general slacking off. As I enter the studio, which is attached to my home, I am thinking that it would be good to get outside for a walk. I really should clean the studio, or make books, or work on figurines, or work on the computer to finish the projects there, that are endless and need my attention. I do need to reply to some emails, or perhaps maybe another cup of coffee?…Avocado toast?… As I am pondering all these things, I step sideways around my thoughts and light my herb bundle and I reach for my bell of remembrance and I ring it. I am gathering my thoughts, unexpectedly aligning myself towards printmaking.

Monoprinting is my visual dialogue with the Dream; with my muse, with the unknown, with source, with what is in my heart to say and find. It is my life’s work. It is my Super Power. It is also a full- bodied meditative art excursion into the scary and wonder-filled unknown. It is a deep dive, all day and sometimes several days, decision fest of not knowing and trying very hard to follow an emerging visual story.  My process is invigorating and honestly, it is exhausting.

But

Here I am, lighting the herb bundle and ringing the bell. I have made a decision before I even know that I have made a decision. I take action before I have a chance to walk out the door. As I am taking a deep breath into this decision, I see in my mind’s eye the animals who populate my work. They are at rest, and bored out of their minds, with waiting for me to show up and do this work. These beings and animal spirits are a part of my soul’s landscape. Right now, they are far off in the distance.          Way    over    there.

I think I caught them all off guard. It’s like someone has yelled “Squirrel!” They look at me as if they have just realized “holy moly!, she’s gonna work”! and they start running toward me. I know this sounds crazy but when I close my eyes, this is what I see. I think, oh my god, they really have something they want to say to me. I feel bad about making them wait so long. It has been a while since I have created a monoprint. They are desperate. I wonder who will get here first. Who will appear on the plate today. They do want to talk to me. And I want to find out what they have to say. I’ve got to get started! Quick! Hold on to that feeling! Make a mark on the plate! Catch that tail before it disappears.

Coyote comes first creating chaos as a teaching tool.

Coyote Teacher

Teach your children well

Feed them on your dreams

The ones you believe in

Will make a world

that we can live in

Feed them good dreams

The ones you believe in

Will make a world

We can all live in

*A nod to Graham Nash

View my new slide show

Click image for a better view  Postcard # 13 and the 2nd colored image (below) is Postcard # 122

This is a ghost image print from the original first print of Thunderbird’s Gift. Even though this was printed when the first Thunderbird was printed in May 2020 I have just recently drawn on top of the print adding color and depth by hand, June 2021.

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Here is a dream I had recently:

Listen to “Forest Spirit”